Embracing Loneliness: Allowing Yourself to Feel and Heal

My Mother-In-Law could feel very lonely and sometimes she does.

Her spouse died 18 years ago. Her siblings are gone (she is the youngest of 11), and her friends are leaving her. At age 86, she looks around and sometimes asks, "Where did everybody go?"

We can be lonely sitting by ourselves in a room full of people. It's not the number of people around us… It's our thoughts about it that create the lonely feeling. Most days, my MIL doesn't have lonely thoughts. She has made up her mind to seek out people.

Before COVID-19, she would go many times a week to a nearby Smiths, not really to shop but to say "Hi" to people, see who she could smile at, and look for someone she knew. She still does this a little.

But now, as much as the weather allows, she sits out on her swing in front of her home, waves to cars, and says, "Hi" to passersby. Neighbors, family, and ward members know she is on her swing waiting for a friend, so she gets many visitors. And if she doesn't get the human kind, she has colored bird feeders in the nearby tree and animal sculptures scattered around that keep her entertained.

I'm impressed with her. She has let it be known that she wants visitors, so she gets them. And when she doesn't, she doesn't make it mean anything about her. She enjoys her alone time.

Loneliness is a feeling that is caused by our thoughts. Thoughts are powerful. It's easy to fall into the nobody remembers me, nobody wants to be around me, everybody has friends but me, everybody has something to do but me, nobody is lonely but me, thought trap… but why have those thoughts? 

Next time you feel lonely, remind yourself, "I'm feeling lonely because of a thought I'm choosing to think." You can feel lonely if you want to. Your body can handle it. Don't avoid it or stuff it down. Just feel it. 

But you can also choose something else. We are all having a human experience, and sometimes, that feels like abundance, and sometimes, it feels lonely. And it's all okay. 

Take Care,

Melinda

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